That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
