He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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