time to smoke my breakfast
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
