community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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