break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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