Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
