I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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