Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
