Im at strip club and am horny
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
