tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am naked and annoyed.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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