College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
