You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
