i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
