I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
