Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize