the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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