After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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