My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
