i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
