oh god the rape fog is back!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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