We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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