Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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