We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
