I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize