i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
