I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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