So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
