Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize