The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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