one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize