I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Boobs speak an international language.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
