I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
