i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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