I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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