They should really pass out barf bags in church
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
