i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
