dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
A bitchslap is in order.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
