Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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