He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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