The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my shit smells like andre
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize