I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize