after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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