i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
