best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
