Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
