A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
