im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
