I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
