dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
