Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i believe in u and ur pee
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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