She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
