I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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