We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
