if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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