Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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