If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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