how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
