i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
