yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
