if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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