at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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