This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sacagawea was the original milf.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize