I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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