Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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