Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
