oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
