We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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