Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
