And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
