So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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