i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
