i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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