If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
