My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
