also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
