Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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