He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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