The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
