I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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