U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
