Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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