I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
