The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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