Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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