You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
