I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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