Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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