me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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